The Life and Times of an Affiliate Widow

Today it’s very hot & humid and I’m about to leave to watch my team the Mighty Spurs play against Liverpool at ‘The Lane’. This is the last game of what has been a very tumultuous season for us Tottenham fans. Losing easy games, winning harder games and admittedly since we beat Chelsea to the Carling Cup we seem to have gone on holiday! Lets hope we can turn the reds over today, if not lets hope we actually turn up and play - not been seen for a while!

I will be eagerly awaiting news of the other games too, Man Utd and Chelsea results for one. Not a fan of either club but I’d much rather United win than Chelsea, I also hope they win the Champions League, mostly because they are so much better to watch than any other team in the Premiership.

We will wait with bated breath in the transfer window to see if Berbatov will stay with us or move on. I’m not one to say he must stay at any cost as the team is mightier than the player and neither he nor his agent can keep holding us to ransom. Of course, I’d prefer it if he stayed, who wouldn’t, but enough of the dramatic histrionics please.

On a last note lets hope Didier Zokora can stay on his feet today, must be something to do with the name Didier …..

Well, the votes are in, they have all been counted, de-duped and verified and the the nominees have been notified and duly posted on the A4U Awards blog. There are plenty of surprises in there, namely the Publisher 2008 (well not really a surprise), not one content affiliate in there just the familiar Brand Bidding Groups and Quidco. IMHO it shows the ’special relationships’ these particular affiliates have with certain networks and agencies, seriously it makes you wonder if it’s worth it! I wonder when content affiliates will get a look in on that award.

 The blogs one would be what anyone would expect and I’m sure it will be very close (even though the Moose disagrees with me about that).

The shock came when looking at the Networks 2008, where is the mighty TD, the not so mighty anymore CJ and the disappearing DGM? Not one of the Networks who just a few years ago was thought of as the big 3, unstoppable, popular, with huge respect from affiliates - not one of them gets a mention. In the case of TD and CJ is it time they stood back and took a long hard look at themselves and actually listened to what affiliates have been telling them for ages? They have zero communication skills and are only interested in their own self promotion - you can say what you like about them - as long as it’s positive. If you dare to post anything detrimental about TD on the forum they ask for it to be removed, if you post on your blog they report to a network who has a similar name to that of your URL (or is that only in my case?). Maybe if they put as much effort into their network they may not find themselves in the situation they’re now in, cast out into limbo land! DGM seem to be trying to communicate better with affiliates and the forum, or should I say Helen Southgate is, one woman though, however good she is, cannot single-handily save this network from travelling down the same road as TD and CJ. They should take good advice when offered and go back to basics, be upfront and FFS dump the BBG’s - it pisses off too many content and ‘normal’ PPC affiliates!

Affiliate Manager award threw up no surprises and I’m so glad I’m not in that area as it’s such a highly contested competition between those guys, I was however, a bit surprised that I didn’t see Naomi from Firebox in the list.

Publishers choice of Affiliate Manager, how different is that one this year? I can honestly say I know two people on that list. Not that I know everyone of course (maybe I think I’m more popular than I am), but where is Julia Stent? Hero? Helen Southgate? Even god forbid Matt Bailey?? (only joking).

I won’t be at the awards this year as I’ll be chillin’ with my homies in the Algarve, but the best of luck to everyone in the running to pick up an award - well everyone apart from the BBG’s that is, they steal enough away from the rest of us as it is!

As it’s such a long time since I last blogged I thought I’d ease myself in gently and also give myself a chance of winning a fab limited edition 2008 A4U Expo mug.

 Chris, you can send it now. Thank you very much.

We received an email yesterday from Jason Baker at Commission Junction begging for money. No, he’s not hit the skids and fallen on hard times - he’s running the marathon! After talking to him on the phone just now I told him he should put the link on the forum and ask people to donate to his cause, Whizz-Kidz - a very worthwhile charity, unfortunately as he works for a Plc he can’t, so as a favour to him (and to stop him harassing me by phone) I said I’d write a quick blog and put the link up here for him. This is the forth year running he’s done this and he’s a bit behind on his target, please dig deep. Thank you - end of sermon!

A little bit of information on Whizz-Kidz :

Whizz-Kidz aims to improve the quality of life of disabled children and young people in the UK through the provision of customised mobility equipment such as wheelchairs and tricycles. It is dedicated to providing help and advice to the children and their families and raising awareness of mobility-related issues through national campaigning.

After the whole debacle with Next.co.uk you don’t think it could get any worse, well really would you? Of course it can because Next now come out of the woodwork with The Facts.

Hooray, this is what we’ve been waiting for - the facts! The facts about why they reduced their commissions to 1% on sale items and 2% going forward (wtf does ‘going forward’ really mean?), the facts about why they changed from a very good agency MVI to i-Level (?), why they went from a very good Network - Awin - to buy.at and affilinet, why they’ve tried to gag affiliates from mentioning Next.co.uk in a negative way. Now they actually put in writing what they really think about us affiliates.

It is Next’s wish not to partner affiliates who pollute natural search space with negative comments about the brand.

Pollute? Pollute? How to make friends and engage in friendly banter the i-Level (or was it written by Next) way! Really? What can I say except for what a pile of tripe.

I would also like to point out Shane’sblog and the fact that Next.co.uk have been competitor brand bidding. I suppose all’s fair in love and retail! Also, what about the affiliate that is Brand Name Bidding at night? Do they care? Are they monitoring the situation? I doubt it, they’re too busy trawling the internet looking for blogs and forums for people who are ‘poluting’ the space with their honest thoughts and opinions.

I said it before and I’ll say it again, I wouldn’t promote Next.co.uk with a ten foot affiliate poking stick even if they upped their commissions to 10% and it all came gift wrapped. As Duncan says ‘Any pollution relates to the actions, not the comments.’

So, affiliates how to do you feel now - not only are you grubby, you’re also a pollutant!

Well, what can I say. Wednesday night I was treated to an experience of a lifetime courtesy of Affiliate Window. Well, I’ve not having a proper nights sleep for the past three weeks (since I got the invite) because I’ve been so excited and the big day finally arrived. I left home nice and early to check into my hotel near Earls Court and spent two whole hours getting ready (filling in the cracks etc.). 

I left my hotel at 3.50pm to get to the meeting place where we had a drink and I met some of the other people who would be sitting at the same table. Three of us had to get a cab to Earls Court for various reasons (no coats, heels too high, typical ladies things) and when we arrived the paparazzi went mental! Not for us obviously though - Denise Van Outen had just got out of her car on the other side of the red carpet wearing what can only be described as the last bit on the roll of gold wrapping paper. We joined the queue halfway along as there were people we knew there so did push in and I had a last cigarette before we went inside. We were directed to a line and we waited patiently for our tickets to be taken and wristbands secured around our wrists (which I almost did an injury to myself with trying to get it off later in my hotel room). We were in! It was a very surreal feeling standing there with champagne in hand looking around for stars and celebrities, Kevin spotted Matt Dawson (who?) somebody else pointed out Gemma Atkinson and I saw someone who looked a little bit like Roman Abramovich - minus his 50 bodyguards! We were milling around star spotting and knocking back the champers for a little while until we were shepherded inside to our tables. I walked up the stairs and WOW! it was magnificent, I was completely starstruck! In front of me was a mass of tables, chairs, glasses, people in shiny clothes - I could go on all night, in fact I did.

We sat at our table with a fantastic view of the proceedings and dinner was served, I can barely remember what I ate as I was so excited the other people at the table were Julia, Simon and Asha from AW, Nicola and Chris from BT, Alex and Joy from Thomas Cook, the very funny Ennis from Jessops and the charming Gary from Equator (who had a funny story about his very smart outfit). Alcohol was freely flowing, dinner came and went - we were allowed outside to smoke, chat was loud and fun, joke telling, story telling, relationships formed (I know, I exaggerate) it was amazing. At about 7.45 pm some guy comes onto the stage and starts geeing up the crowd from the world famous ‘Brits School’, boy can they scream, when we went live at 8 pm the crowd was buzzing with anticipation. With a flash Mika was on stage, to be honest I wasn’t a great Mika fan, until now, he was awesome and his duet with Beth Ditto was fab. After his set the Osbourne’s were introduced with a huge explosion of pyrotechnics and the show was well and truly on the road. I can’t remember everything that followed as I was up and down, dancing and singing along, chatting with others, popping outside for the sly cigarette and all too soon the show was over. What a show it was though, fortunately for me the night was far from over, the party was just beginning.

We were sent upstairs to the after-show party, different rooms, different themes. We managed to lose a fair few people on the way but found them again on the other side of the dance floor. I’d given up with the pain in my feet from my four inch spiky heels (which my wonderful other half bought for me) so they came off and I hit the dance floor with some of the AW staff, who really know how to party. I thought I was a teenager again, I was having the time of my life. However all good things have to come to an end and at 1.30 am I called it a night said my goodbyes and went to find a cab to take me home, well to my hotel at least.

When there, I sailed into the lift and up to my room still on a huge high. I got into bed and turned off the light to find it wouldn’t switch off so I had to get back out of bed and wrap it inside the curtain (don’t ask) and off to sleep I went, only to wake at 7 am feeling like I’d been shot in the kneecaps with a sawn off shotgun! Proof that you may be able to party with the young ‘uns, but you will suffer more the next day!

I’d like to thank Kevin Brown for taking me on a wonderful experience, the AW staff for being so lovely to me all evening especially Julia, Kevin Edwards, Simon, Asha, Mark, Anthony, Rachel (we were capable of flagging down a cab, that was above and beyond) and everyone else I spoke to and laughed with and danced with, it was a truly wonderful night and one I shan’t forget in a hurry.

My kids are still dead jealous that I got to go and I’m sure they won’t let me forget it in a hurry.

Last Friday my other half Paul took me on a Ghost Tour at Hampton Court Palace. As some of you may know I reached a milestone in January and I’m now the ripe old age of ….! anyway, he knew I’d always wanted to do something like this and bought the tickets as a surprise pressie for me. Well, we arrived slightly early for the 7.30 appointment looking around the room watching the other people, a motley crew of individuals varying in age from young to old. On the dot of 7.25 a tour guide / custodian entered the room in all his finery (top hat, sparkling uniform, what looked like army regulation boots) and asked us to convene outside the main entrance. There were 40 of us in total, all a bit wary of what, if anything was to happen. We stood outside the main door to the Court of the Palace and the guide told a few stories of ghostly sightings and experiences over the past 200 years or so. After we’d heard about 5 sightings of what seemed to be the same vision we moved on inside the Court, the huge doors seemingly opening on their own - on closer inspection they were opened by two young ladies on the inside! We were standing grouped together inside the palace doors in front of a huge, and I mean a huge picture of Henry VIII wearing a very impressive codpiece which was covering scaffolding as there is restoration work being carried out. The dude in the hat was telling of more sightings, a woman who heard various noises in her grace and favour apartments, visions coming from one doorway and disappearing into another, pictures being removed from walls, each time he told a story it was followed by ‘believe or disbelieve, carry on’ and behind him we followed. We were taken to all different parts of the palace, inside and outside, even in a lady’s chamber! Different stories each time, we were aware of every sound, every creek, the nerves were on edge - well mine were. He took us to the haunted gallery where we were made to walk alone or in pairs down the haunted gallery, lit by candlelight only. Of course me being brave wouldn’t walk down there alone, not on your nelly! We were taken to a staircase where it is said Jane Seymour has been seen on what is called the ’silver stairs’ as she appears in a white gown/nightgown holding a candle in a silver candlestick. He takes us around the corner where they show CCTV footage of ’something’ bursting through some double doors which look like a fire exit, he walks us there through this lane and that alley, cut through this building and that hall, down this lane and here we are he says in his slightly spooky voice he stands next to the offending doors ‘believe or disbelieve’ and at the moment the doors come crashing open - I let out an ear piercing scream turn around and try to leg it but bump straight into Paul who’s almost doubled over in laughter, I turn back and there standing in the doorway is one of the other tour guides laughing. I have to say I wasn’t the only one to scream like a girl, I’m sure some of the men did too as well as most of the women!

All in all I have to say it was a great night, well worth the trauma of not being able to sleep that night for fear of things that go bump in the night. Remember ‘believe or disbelieve ….

As for the other excitement I’m off to the Brits tomorrow night, courtesy of Affiliate Window, and I have to say I’m so excited my kids have threatened to leave home if I carry on. Will update later in the week.

I have just spent the best part of an hour calling PC World as we have 2 laptops refusing to work. I speak to my account manager, all very nice, he gives me a reference no and a telephone and off I toddle. First call gets re-directed to PC World in Northolt (?), second goes to God knows where, third goes to the Tech Guys - thetechguys.com - belong to the same company as PC World ie. The DSG Group - (hey I’m talking to the right people). The tech, he knows absolutely nothing about any previous history regarding the laptops as there are no notes on the system. After about 25 - 30 minutes we realise I’ve been put through to the wrong department yet again, he is full of apologies and very nice (thank you Shane), he then gave me another number which I call, boy, do I wish I hadn’t.

The phone was picked up in seconds, I can’t for the life of me tell you what was said as it was blasted out in one huge rush, I replied with ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t quite catch that! Is that PC World Business Tech Support?’ ‘Yes it is’ came the aggressive and impolite reply - I gave my ID number and said I had two issues this morning one with a laptop that had been repaired and was still not working, the other which had been repaired two weeks ago and now had a different issue. As for the one which was sent away for repair and came back, they replaced the hard drive and lost all the data on it - I’ve been trying for the best part of four days to get it up and running again but it’s just not happening. She very rudely interrupted me and started yelling ‘it’s not up to us to save your data that’s your job’ I replied with, very stupidly I know ‘hang on, I’m just trying to get my bloody laptop fixed’ when she screams out ‘don’t you swear at me’ I was stumped thinking what did I just say? I didn’t swear, did I? Oh, I get it she means bloody. ‘Excuse me’ says I ‘bloody isn’t swearing’, to which she replies with ‘yes it is, that’s your final warning, you say it again and I’ll terminate the call’ I seriously cannot believe what I’m hearing here. I’m stunned so I say ‘terminate this call at your own peril’ to which she comes back with ‘don’t you dare threaten me’ at this point I laugh, I’m starting to find this a bit, I don’t know the words to describe it, funny, weird, like an out of body experience. I just spent almost half an hour on the phone with Shane, a lovely man in the other tech department, why can’t I have him back? The laugh seems to set her off, like a greyhound chasing a rabbit, she starts yelling at me, shocked I drop the phone onto my desk and Paul and I stare it as a huge vat of pus spews out of it! Well, actually it was just her screeching, we could hear her quite clearly even from a distance, I rush out of the room to check the children are ok … maybe not, but Paul shocked by what he’s hearing spewing out of the receiver picks it up and tells her to calm down, ask for her name, her department and to speak to her supervisor. Her name is Rebecca (!), she is in team O at business support (!) in Nottingham and unfortunately there are no supervisors present and she refused point blank to give the telephone number for head office. Hmm, I’ve called my business support manager and I’m waiting for him to call back, I will update once I’ve spoken to him. At the moment I’m looking for a nice person to come and fix my laptops ….

 If anybody would like to comment or tell other about any similar problems they’ve had let me know.

** Edit

I have just spoken to Robert ‘The Firefighter’ Evenson at PC World Customer Support (a very nice man) and he has offered me a replacement laptop which I can go and pick up at my nearest store. I’d like to thank Robert for his help in resolving this so quickly and also sincere thanks to David Attenborough (PC World affiliate manager) for pointing Robert in the direction of my blog and passing on my telephone number. They have also agreed to pay the costs of my PC repairs.

In good faith we will now remove our PPC ad which we refused to remove at David’s request as this was not an affiliate issue it was a customer issue.

‘Power to the People’ and thanks to everyone for their support.

As most people who know me could verify that the one aspect of affiliate marketing that really pisses me off (big, big time) is a lack of transparency on closed BBG. Last night and this morning there seemed to be an influx of blogs about the new promotion form DFDS Seaways, a very nice paid trip to Affiliate Summit in Boston. Hmm, I think lets have a looksie at this and what do I find, a brand bidder sitting on the DFDS and DFDS Seaways brand - fine think I, I’ll not waste my money pushing this program to any extent (as I hate to line anyone else’s pockets) and look at it again later / tomorrow. Anyhow, I’ve checked the program details at both Buy.at and TradeDoubler only to find there is no mention of a closed bidding group. I called TD to confirm that and was told - yes, there is a closed bidding group on the program. Transparency - where is it? Am I alone in my anger when these things happen and to be honest it’s not a once in blue moon occurrence it’s getting to be an every day thing.

New rule here, every time this happens I’ll let you all know about it. 

So, almost a week has passed since I read about the now infamous awards ceremony. In that week I’ve been told that I’m a dinosaur, I need to ‘embrace’ change and to alter virtually all my ethics and get more ‘corporate’. Well, where do I start? There have been many blogs, comments and posts about the awards, the buy/at sale (like does anyone apart from their puppets or is that muppets really care) so I held back for two reasons, to gain perspective and to calm down.

To use a quote from Existem’s Claire Hoyland’s blog ‘The first step toward change is awareness. The second step is acceptance’- ok, so we all know that over the past 10 years I’ve been involved in this industry we have seen lots of changes and have been aware of those changes, have we accepted all those changes? Damn right we haven’t! We were aware of spyware and did we accept it - like hell we did. Change and acceptance do not have to go hand in hand, at times there is no place for change and definitely not for acceptance. What really infuriates me about all this ‘change is for the better’ attitude is that some of us were investing our time, money and energy in Affiliate Marketing when a lot of these so called ‘corporate’ bods were still in high school and very wet behind the ears. Seriously guys would you tell your grandmother how to suck eggs? I doubt it somehow, she’d give you a clip around the ear.

We can all dig up quotes which we think will back us up but it doesn’t make us right and anybody with an iota of common sense could pull it apart without even trying, facts are what we base our industry on, facts and stats. There will never be a time when everybody will agree or sing from the same song sheet, life isn’t like that, but, you have to have respect for the people you work with - directly or indirectly. You also have to have respect for the friends you make and not to plough through their beliefs and feelings like they’re just an annoyance standing in your way. You have to respect your community or the people that built you up will get very pissed off and bring you back down with a huge bump. I have been very hurt this week by the ‘goings on’ and actually being told by someone I respect a hell of a lot (from a gobby cow like myself that’s a bit deep) that there isn’t a place for me in the ‘new era’ of affiliate marketing, that I am not to be trusted to make decisions as they wouldn’t be for the good of the industry - all because I challenge people. Is it a bad thing to NOT accept what I’m being told all the time? Is it wrong to have an opinion? Am I too old or set in my ways?

I’ve never been a ‘yes’ man / woman and I pride myself on that fact. I will also stand up for what I believe in not what I’m told I should believe in just because it is the best way to move the industry forward. WTF? In my personal opinion the best way to move the industry forward is to have complete transparency across all networks, agencies and affiliates, STOP all closed PPC BNB groups and make the affiliate space an even ground for all those wishing to partake in it. Kick out all the rogue elements, be they Merchants, affiliates or networks, there really is no place for them.

As for the Buy.at thing, I’m just not interested in them anymore.